Surviving Depression
Top 10 List for Overcoming Your Depression
I have been battling Bipolar Disorder for as long as I can remember. I was originally diagnosed in 1996 with BPD and soon after started medication. Between 1996 and 2020, I have tried almost all the meds available for depression, Bipolar Disorder, and sleep disorders. I did Electroconvulsive Therapy aka ECT in 2018 for suicidal thoughts. After ECT I found myself without manic episodes, without passion in my life for things that had driven me for years before. My music (I am a semi professional musician) had left me, I could care less about picking up my instrument. There was no noise in my head, whereas I had a voice talking nonstop for as long as I could remember. Losing that voice was very saddening because it was my closest friend. It was always talking and interacting with me. And then one day it was gone. In order to do ECT I had to go off Lithium. Lithium had been my number one medication for over fourteen years. Coming off the Lithium was difficult at first but gradually got easier. My body adjusted and I was able to function without it. ECT left me in a very changed state to say the least. It was one of the most traumatic experiences of my life and I was left with a new set of obstacles to overcome.
With ECT I had to relearn most everything that had come naturally to me. Walking for one, I was unbalanced and unsure of my footing. I was in a zombie state of mind. I often felt like I was sitting outside of my body looking out at myself doing things. After the first year I had seen so much improvement, but I was still not the person I had been. But this is what I wanted, I sought a change and an escape from my suicidal plans. Every day before ECT I had an overwhelming desire to die. I had been hospitalized several times for suicide attempts and now, one year after ECT, I was free of those horrible thoughts. But I was left questioning who I was. And this brought about a different form of depression. I was depressed because everything I had ever done in my life had come to what felt like an end. I had no passion for anything. No passion for my music, my art, toward my wife. I was lost in a sea of emptiness, with no ups. It had been a year since a manic phase, and I had gone from being Bipolar with episodes of ups and downs to just blah. No feelings either way. So I had to make a plan.
Along with Bipolar Disorder, I also suffer from psoriatic arthritis. Many people I have met have multiple medical issues, so its not uncommon for other medical situations to cause anxiety or depression for those of us who are suffering from mental health problems. It just adds to the burden and need for self care. Its exhausting to deal with medical issues on a regular basis, so its not uncommon to have depression related issues from other medical problems. Along with the pain involved with PSA there is also the exhaustion. This combined with depression, is a very crippling problem. Where does one find the strength and energy needed to make it through the day? How do you get out of bed, shower, eat and function when your entire body is unwilling to do anything but sleep?
It didn’t happen overnight. It took time to plow through the layers of my depression, anxiety, and pain to make myself function. I have a supportive wife who is also a nurse. She has been my strength through so much of this. So that’s number one on the list. Find a good support. My psychiatrist and counselor have also been a cornerstone. I went years with horrible doctors and counselors who cared less for my health. I got very lucky and found two good people who cared about me. That’s number two. You need to be happy with your psychiatrist and counselor. If you are unhappy with who you have, then try to find someone else or at least voice your concerns about your expectations. They work for you. Tell them what you want and work together on a plan to get there, that’s number three. Formulate a plan with your counselor or support partner. Some people are stuck with horrible doctors because of finances or very slim choices due to their insurance providers. Make the best of your situation, you need them to help you navigate through the depression. Number four is good medication. If you have been receiving medical care for depression for any length of time you know that its not uncommon to try multiple types of medication. Do your research, find out about new drugs, read up on their side effects. Being educated on the medications that are being given to you is your right. There are also DNA test that can help you narrow down which meds will work for you and which one’s wont. You must be in control of your disorder. It belongs to you, it can’t be left alone to grow out of control and eventually destroy your life, or you can make a stand and do the research to find out what works best for you.
Number five is important. Have a plan, sit down with a loved one or your counselor and decide on a game plan. Put that plan on paper and look at each part carefully. It’s one thing to have a mental thought about what can work, but you need to put it down on paper. What’s the first step you want to take? What are your goals? What are some things that you do that need to be altered or maybe things you can get rid of in your life that aren’t helping? Is your goal to get out of bed, shower and leave the house? Take it one step at a time. Give yourself points for your accomplishments. I gave myself five points for getting out of bed. Ten points for showering, and on and on. There will be days that you just can’t. It’s okay to take a break and heal for a day or two. Your mental state is broken, and you need to piece it back together slowly. I found that I began to surround myself with things that made me happy. I love cartoons, so I always had cartoons on the television during the day. Even if I wasn’t watching, the noise helped a lot. Number six surround yourself with things you love. If you are a social media junkie like me, I fill up my Instagram with all the things that bring me joy. Dogs, beaches, tropical locations, planets, toys, guitars, watches, all the things that give me a little boost of serotonin. You know that warm feeling when you see a puppy? That’s serotonin hitting you.
Number seven is what you put in your body. I started adding vitamin D to my pill regimen. It helped, I did my research and found that vitamin D is essential in helping our bodies produce serotonin. According to research, 70% of the population has low levels of vitamin D. If you need to ask your doctor about it, then bring it up at your next visit. Most doctors agree that adding vitamin D can help boost your serotonin. I also added tryptophan pills, which is the chemical that turkeys produce and makes us sleepy on thanksgiving. Tryptophan is essential in producing melatonin and serotonin in our bodies. These are the two things we really need to help battle depression. A solid night’s sleep can really make a huge difference. Waking up rested and alert can be the one thing needed for a successful day. Being happy all day is essentially a chemical response. Are our serotonin levels where they need to be? By simply adding vitamin D and tryptophan to our diets we are helping our bodies in the right direction. But it doesn’t end there, eating good food is essential. My daughter suffers from Bipolar Disorder and severe depression and she finds it difficult to eat. This is common among people with depression. The trick is to find one meal that you love. One food that you can keep down and that makes you happy. If that’s all you eat, then you are successfully eating a meal. Over time you can try other things and eventually work toward eating a high protein meal three times a day. Don’t focus on the entire day, just focus on getting that one meal down. My go to meal was oatmeal. I ate it three times a day. Eventually I needed more substance, but the fact that I was eating three times a day was success in my book. I swear by energy drinks and coffee. They may not be the very best thing for you, but they can give you the energy needed to accomplish things. The problem is they sometimes cause a drop in energy after a few hours. Explore a few brands and determine what works best for you. Everything in moderation, right?
The summer of 2020 I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. I knew it was coming eventually. I ate a lot of things that were high in sugar, and with the depression I had stopped exercising, not to mention we were in the middle of a pandemic. I had been a dedicated patron to the local gym for years, but with the ECT and COVID-19, I had stopped going all together. I had gained several pounds and just overall felt unhealthy. But I was focused on my mental health and not my physical health. Guess what? They go hand in hand. I made the declaration to myself that I would start walking daily with my dogs. At first I walked every other day if I felt like it, but that wasn’t good enough. I downloaded a fitness app on my phone and began walking at least a mile and a half daily with my dogs. I forced myself to do this, no excuses. Everyday I completed number eight, exercise. Over several months I noticed I had lost weight and I was better able to control my diabetes. My glucose levels were much lower. I felt better also, as if my day was a little brighter. I was bonding more with my dogs and getting off the couch. I normally spend about thirty minutes walking every afternoon. Energy makes energy! When you get up and exercise you find that you are being more active during other times of the day too.
Number nine is one of the most important of all the steps. Communication. You must talk about your feelings and what is happening inside your head. Do this with a counselor and your support person. I have a best friend that is Bipolar, and we help each other daily. There are groups on social media that have lots of members that you can talk about things with. The important thing is that whatever is on the inside, you get it out. Communicate!
Number ten is the last step, and its especially important. You must keep moving. You can’t just do the steps and quit, because they are what is helping you with the depression. Functioning daily, that is what is helping you. Reevaluate the list every now and again and make sure you are doing each step and that you continue to grow. It will become second nature and you will be able to look back at the dark times and see how far you have come. We all need a reason to keep going. Once you find yours it will help you daily.
So lets look at the steps I've taken so far.
1. Find good support
2. Find a good doctor and counselor
3. Make a plan, write it down
4. Educate yourself about your medication and get on a cocktail that works
5. Work on the plan with your counselor or support partner
6. Surround yourself with things you love
7. Work on your intake, foods supplements and good diet
8. Exercise
9. Communication
10. Keep on growing
Check out James Heatons Book, Life with Bipolar Disorder on Amazon
